This is a true story…
One weekend, a few years back, I took my kids to the new Regal Cinema by Ingram to go see The Patriot (which was a really good flick by the way). I went up to the concession stand to purchase some goodies for me and my kids. The following conversation took place:
EMPLOYEE: May I help you, Sir?
JEEL: Sure! I would like your special on three medium popcorn, three candies, and three large Dr. Peppers for $279.95 please!
EMPLOYEE: I'm sorry, Sir, but Regal Cinema does not carry Dr. Pepper and the special is good only during the matinee. The evening price is $427.32.
JEEL: What? What?!!! You don't carry Dr. Pepper?
EMPLOYEE: No, Sir.
JEEL: Okay, then make it three Big Reds.
EMPLOYEE: Sorry, Sir, but we don't carry Big Red.
JEEL: Excuse me, but what PLANET are we on?
EMPLOYEE: Earth.
JEEL: And what COUNTRY are we in?
EMPLOYEE: Texas
JEEL: And what do Texas mommies wean their children on?
EMPLOYEE: Dr. Pepper and peanuts?
JEEL: That's right, Mister! And WHAT ELSE?
EMPLOYEE: Big Red and Doritos?
JEEL: Very good! I see you’re not a total maroon after all. You’re still dumb as a post, but it's not your fault. You’re probably from up North, huh?
EMPLOYEE: Yah, you betcha.
JEEL: Look, this is TEXAS! Since the time that Cabeza De Vaca discovered the two springs from which The Doctor AND Big Red flow, providing their life-giving, spirit-enhancing,
gas-producing essences to all Texan creatures, great and small, we Texans have had the God given right; I repeat, THE GOD GIVEN RIGHT to life, liberty and the consumption of
Dr. Pepper or Big Red!
(The applause from the crowd that gathered was deafening)
EMPLOYEE: I feel your pain, Sir, but we still carry only Pepsi products.
JEEL: All right. Then just give me the damned Pepsi.
EMPLOYEE: That'll be $427.32, Sir.
JEEL: Here you go, you damned communist. You ain't seen the last of me!
EMPLOYEE: Yah, you betcha!
My friends... don't let this happen to another Texan. I beseech you to write to your local theatre and demand that Dr Pepper or Big Red be provided to our children so they will not forget their great heritage!
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